Sunday


Next week there are going to be some changes in the Rats house. They will mean there will be even less time to spend with BorderlineStraggler but we are both excited to be taking on new challenges. Our conflicting schedules will mean that batch cooking is going to be embraced and any tips or recipes for your favourite meals that can be frozen in one person sized portions will be gratefully recieved or I am going to be living on stuffed pasta and cereal again!

BS and I have spent some time this weekend talking about our worries about this coming academic year and at one point he said 'I don't think you realise how stressful you find being a student, how difficult you find the actual process of having your ideas and beliefs questioned and challenged'. It was said in the context of a wider conversation but I can't stop thinking about this. It is very true. I don't like having the foundations of who I am questioned when I don't have the answers. It exhausts me. Building up confidence in my work, the ideas behind it and the value of it have been massive struggles for me resulting in more tears and tantrums than I care to remember. This summer I haven't managed to keep up with all of my ambitious goals, I don't have a stack of finished quilts, or sketchbooks filled with new ideas or even a fully researched dissertation, but I do have a few moments of realisation that I am going to keep with me, some long after I have finished college, and some that are more pressing including this newest one from BS.

This is probably the only time in my life when I am going to have the opportunity to be challenged and to experiment with my ideas and beliefs like this. In 10 months time I will be a graduate and hopefully carving out a new place in a creative world professionally. I don't want to waste any of that student time stressing about being questioned, I need to stop worrying about how scary the process of questioning is and focus on the answers and what I can learn from figuring them out.

So wish me luck, this year will be listening and thinking not just talking and defending.

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